A serious series of Subjects Verbing Objects!

Goals in life

2011-04-25T20:08:00.001-07:00

My goals in life at this particular moment entail the following:

1. Actually keep a blog for once, g-- d--- it. As in, write in it. Even just to ~~procrastinate.~~

(Derrida will be so proud) release my repressed capricious creativity.

2. Stop making goals in life.

I have to forewarn any one who actually reads this that because I do keep a physical journal, into which goes all of my little girl secrets and crushes and daisy pedal counts (feel free to detect sarcasm) I probably don't ever blog unless I am struck by either a whim or a truck.

In other news this blog may or may not begin to feature pictures of naked ~~models~~ popsicles. These days they have supplanted the one and only gender-ambiguous-royalty-in-anarchist-mob in shiny armor as my true, true love.

Completion of |\

2010-12-20T13:07:00.000-08:00

I started this blog back in August more or less as a symbolic gesture to mark a new chapter of my life-- new city, new career (?) trajectory, new major, blah blah blah-- and also more or less because I wanted to loosely keep track of my grad school experience.

And maybe also because I read an article on Chronicles of Higher Education that fostering an online presence could be helpful in networking. And I have had amazing advices from online academics.

I don't really have much to write because nobody wants to know the actual details of the life of a grad student (who, according to Tina Fey, is the worst version of our species. I paraphrased.) and my ideas are probably too naive to be public.

But today in a pep talk to a friend I realized I should take my own advice, stop being self-conscious, get over myself, and just put it out there.

So my goal is to write more boldly.

In other news, I finished my first semester in one piece and none of my nightmares about

1. flunking out of grad school

2. losing my scholarship due to bad grades

3. bad grades

4. pissing off important people

5. die from stress-induced obesity

6. develop some sort of weird OCD or other stress disorders

have come true. I would call that a success.

As such, I think I have now completed one quarter of the MA, |\. You may add that to my name.

It's called Tuition

2010-09-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

Last night I lost track of time studying and came back to reality at around 2:00 a.m. It was too late for the 50 minute subway ride home, so I pulled a few chairs and joined a rank of fellow diligent students/slow readers.

Early this morning I rose from the twenty-or-so heavily asleep happy campers, walked through the revolving doors, and found happy campers of another type on the benches in Washington Square Park.

I'd like to point out that we actually pay a ton of money to sleep in the same position as Washington Square Park happy campers.

Just saying.

Close Reading of the Third Kind

2010-09-14T08:02:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: due to a paucity of expertise/special skills/accumulation of knowledge of any sort in recognizable forms, I want you to remember that I am not an -ologist or even an -ist. At all. So no crying babies if ignorance is exposed through my naive observations and unintelligible writing.

Yesterday was the first meeting of the anthropology seminar I am taking this semester. The professor is quite amazing and may or may not ascend to the status of an avatar by next week.

Unlike Professor Astonishing, who intentionally assigned an impossible amount of reading so that we will be forced to learn to skim effectively, Professor Amazing prescribed a hefty (but conceivable) load and told us to do close readings.

"We don't have time to read it super closely in class," she says,"but you should be doing very detailed close reading on your own."

And so here I am, after my buttocks have had five hours of close encounter with the library chair, crawling through one of the five articles we are supposed to read.

I think as musicians we tend to have a different concept of "close reading" from that of normal people's. We are used to taking maybe 20 pages of printed material into a practice room and spend four to five hours a day on that same 20 pages, for anywhere between a semester and a year. We are accustomed to know them so well, they are memorized without effort. We are taught to take one phrase and chew it until it becomes part of you. And to consider all the different possible interpretations, and how we would use instruments to sound the printed phrases.

Here I offer you a glimpse of my thought process as I chew on Lila Abu-Lughod's famous article "Wring against Culture."

"culture" operates in anthropological discourse to enforce separations that inevitably carry a sense of hierarchy...culture with emphasis. hmm, why are there quotes? oh right, this is a debated issue, the definition of culture. Does she mean to point out the vagueness of the concept of culture? wait, what does culture do? operates. op-er-ates. (softly) operates. ahhhhhhh...perrrrrrrrr, perrrrr or peeeeeeeer? operates. operates like a verb. This makes cultures like a person wooohoo! in anthropological discourse...culture operas in anthropological discourse. why isn't it anthropologists operate culture in anthropological discourse?...crap, it's been five minutes. enforce separation, to enforce separation...inevitablycarryasenseofhierarchy. (I had to quickly finish this sentence lest it make no sense)

I foresee a painful semester.

Hello World

2010-09-02T21:50:00.000-07:00

I am now oriented into my MA program at the U of NY and am very proficient with acronyms.

WO, YMBN.

O, TJG. (Okay, that's just gibberish.)

Misinformed Mutual Masticaters

2010-04-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

“Mastication” is perhaps one of the all-time best words ever invented by English speaking monkeys. It rolls crisply off your tongue when you enunciate the “sctic” part of the word, and it offers college students an entertaining way to describe their favorite activity in a manner that is both sophisticated and immature. Talking about mastication should be considered as much of an entertainment as the actual mastication itself.

This entertainment becomes rather unfortunate however when people use “mastication” to invite others to joined dining. I have heard many people say something to the effect of “Would you like to engage in a ceremony of mutual mastication with me tonight?” and I admit I have done so myself on multiple occasions. In my effort to make sure that I wasn’t just dreaming about the phrase mutual mastication I did a search on Google. Apparently mutual mastication is popular of a concept enough that Google will auto-complete for you if you type “mutual mast.” There was a blog named Mutual Mastication, a music album with the same title, and afacebook group of gourmet devotees calling themselves Mutual Mastications.

I am fairly certain these folks mean Simultaneous Mastication.

Merriam-Webster says the following regarding the word “mutual”:

1 a : directed by each toward the other or the others b : having the same feelings one for the other c : shared in common

If I had the honor to engage in a ritual of mutual mastication with, say, Freddie, then by 1a and 1b, I will be chewing Freddie while Freddie chews me. By 1c definition, we will be sharing the chewing. I am not entirely certain whether this means Freddie and I share a panini on which we both chew, or if Freddie will chew one time and I another so that we are sharing the labor of chewing, so to speak. I lean towards the latter because the adjective mutual is applied to the noun mastication rather the subject of mastication, so it is the chewing that is shared, not the chewed.

The contexts of all the above mentioned fan clubs and whatnot of mastication suggests that they neither gnaw on either other or split the work of chewing. I mean they are just eating together. As in, eating next to each other, simultaneously, with possible conversations. In other words, simultaneous mastication or concurrent mastication. It’s possible to have synchronized mastication, too, but that takes mad skills. Mutual mastication should be left for Hannibal Lector and his long lost twin only.

Department of Casual Reproduction

2010-04-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

I noticed recently a trend on TV (a reliable source of true knowledge, indeed) in stating the exact age at which a female protagonist loses her virginity. For example, Tina Fey’s autobiographical Liz Lemon of 30 Rock admits that she did not have anything going on until she was 25. Temperance “Bones” Brennan reveals that 22 was when her happy cherry popped.

Interestingly enough both characters at least insinuated that they are embarrassed by how late they lost their virginity(s?) Both subsequently justified their late blossoming with some sort of intellectual b.s. such was “I was always busy studying.” Both are characters created specifically to be formidably deviating from traditional popular women image like Samantha in Sex in the City.

With the exception of The 40 year old virgin where Steve Correll’s virginity is the subject of ridicule, I have yet to see a male protagonist claiming a late start in sex life.

Curious, I went on Google and typed in “when do people” as my search keywords. As you all know Google auto-completes for you, so I was able to find that “lose their virginity” was the no.2 popular second half of that phrase.

This (and the wisdom I gathered from watching TV) taught me that

1. Everyone wants to know when to lose their virginity. They don’t want to do it too young lest they are considered youthful sluts, but not too old either because that is indicative of unattractiveness.

Thus I conjecture that losing your virginity nowadays in the US is really more like getting your driver’s licence than getting married. It is still a rite of passage, the same way it traditionally is, but now more relevant to age than opportunities. As in, “child, you are now 14, go forth and have sex.”

Accordingly I suggest legalization and institutionalization of prostitution. Teenagers can go to a Department of Casual Reproduction, located conveniently in every city, with the company of their parents if so desired, to lose their virginity on their 14th birthday or first day of 9th grade. A fee will have to be paid for the service, like getting a driver’s licence, and ridiculous insurance bills will no doubt ensue just like when you teenager get their driver’s licence.

The governmental gender equal whore house will swiftly sweep prostitution issues across the nation. The Department of Casual Reproduction can maintain their normal business flow by issuing tickets to ugly-looking man and/or woman on the street, and they will have to go to the DCR to get fined and be serviced. This will generate revenues for the government while increasing civilian self-esteem (thus productivity), which will help the economy overall. Police department can better channel their personnel–no longer needed for busting prostitutes– to real crimes like spitting on the street.

I believe this proposition is only beneficial.

Lastly, the age 14 is congruent with the internet consensus on the age at which one should for the first time engage in sexual intercourse. It’s also a nice age to be visiting the Department of Casual Reproduction– I mean, the kid can’t drive or drink yet, so you can be ascertained that they will be single-mindedly having sex for the next two years, as opposed to driving AND having sex or drunk and having sex.

2. For women, it is embarrassing to not have popped your cherry in 9th grade, because this very fact suggests the undesirability of you. You must be unattractive. Lack of physical attractiveness however can be compensated, as demonstrated by both Liz Lemmon and Temperance Brennan, if you are smart or striving to be smart (such as studying for long hours with your BFF in a coffee shop.)

What I gathered is that the times are changing! The era for women’s self-generating self-esteem and self-efficacy is now! Compared to the dark ages when women are either desirable (like apricot jam) or not (like rotten apricots) — I think smart people in big boxes call that “objectification of women”– nowadays, a woman can bargain her way out of physical unattractiveness with feigned erudition. It’s like voluptuous bodies are interchangeable with high IQ’s. You are ugly and men/fellow women don’t want you? Worry not, there’s always the university.
I suggest it is only fair, if sexiness can be equated with smarts, that the intelligent be considered synonymous with the salacious. Equating has to work both ways. So, instead of taking SAT’s, students should be allowed the option of taking the Sexy Aptitude Test as part of their college application. The acronym for the Sexy Aptitude Test, to avoid confusion, can be SAT with an emoticon wink. Students can take the SATwink at the aforementioned legalized institutions of prostitution. As students can lose their virginity at 14, there should be plenty of time to prepare for the SATwink.

Fictional Correspondences between Real Characters

2009-05-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Power-in-Hand
I am writing to express my distress and disagreement with the manner in which Ms. None-existent, teacher of 3rd grade science class, addressed my son Jimmy’s episode yesterday.

Jimmy suffers from a well-known but rarely diagnosed medical condition called the Creative Kid Syndrome. His condition is documented and the school nurse and teachers are all well-aware of it. We have been diligent in seeking treatment for Jimmy’s creativity, with both medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy. Jimmy takes his medicine everyday without fail in the past three years, as irresponsibility is not one of the symptoms of the CKS.

Jimmy came home very upset yesterday. According to him, Jimmy asked Ms. None-Existent what would happen if a monkey was fed with a carrot. Ms. N-E was very angry and told Jimmy that was an incorrect answer and that Jimmy was just wrong. I later got a phone call from Ms. None-Existent, reporting to me that Jimmy had an explosive episode of Creativity and that I should be better at monitoring his condition. Ms. None-Existent explained to me that the school feels that Creativity is danerous and may jeopardize the well-being of other students. If Jimmy’s condition gets out of hand, the school might have to evacuate the students. Ms. None-Existent was not very polite. After the phone call with Ms. None-Existent, I received many phone calls from parents of Jimmy’s classmate. Apparently Ms. None-Existent had told the kids that Creative Kids Syndrome is contagious, and that they should all receive a psychiatric evaluation ASAP to ensure their health. Jimmy reported today that nobody would come close to three feet of him at school, due to fear of his Creativity.

I am very upset and concerned for several reasons. Firstly, while the onset of Creativity can be triggered by environmental factors, genetic predisposition accounts for majority of its cause. Either way, it is neither viral or bacterial, and by no means contagious. Ms. None-Existent’s announcement to the other students was inaccurate at best, and had lead to many unnecessary worries.

Secondly, what Jimmy experienced was in fact a related disorder called Curiosity. While Creativity and Curiousity are closely linked, they are not the same thing, and Jimmy’s medication for Creativity did not stop his Curiosity. We had been closely monitoring his curiosity level, but until yesterday he showed no sign of curiosity. Jimmy’s Creativity symptoms are well within control, and I felt deeply insulted that Ms. None-Existent accused us of being careless.

Lastly, in Jimmy’s therapy we tried to tell him that his reactions to things are different, but not wrong or incorrect. Ms. None-Existent had been informed of that strategy, and now that she’s told Jimmy he’s wrong, Jimmy is convinced that different is just a polite way to say wrong. It’s a great set back to Jimmy’s progress, and now we have to sell the family cow to cover the expense for extra therapy sessions. I would like my cow reimbursed.

Yours sincerely,
Martha Made-Belief

Dear Mrs. Made-Belief,

I am very sorry that Ms. None-Existent hurt your feelings and about your family cow. A conversation will be had regarding this matter.

Ms. None-Existent reported to me about Jimmy’s episode of Curiosity after yesterday’s class already, and as I specialize in Deviant Behaviors of Odd Children, I was able to set her straight regarding the non-contagious nature Jimmy’s condition as well as the difference between Creativity and Curiosity. I received phone calls from worried parents, and I had corrected the misinformation as well. All the children in that class are still required to receive a psychiatric evaluation, however, to confirm my words that there’s no danger of anyone else developing Creativity or Curiosity.

As for your request for a cow, due to economic decline, all of the school’s cows have recently been lost through foreclosure. Will you accept my apologies and twelve rabbits instead?

Yours sincerely,
Ludwig Power-in-Hand